If Ever I Would Leave You
by Rei Sabere
Summary: Oh no not in spring-time, summer, winter or fall. No never could I leave you at all... I love you, Nagisa. I love Ushio. And I want the both of you to always be with me.


_**Hi there. I've noticed there are only a few Clannad fics so I decided to contribute to add at least one. It's my first fanfic in this fandom so please bear with me if I commit error. Maybe I'll write more fics when more fics are actually added here. Anyway, I wanted to be a bit emo and make a fic. Clannad really touched me and even made me cry, so I want to share something to everyone. ENJOY AND DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW..**_

_It was an April sunrise. He woke up as the new morning light entered the window of his bedroom. He awoke to the sight of no pink futton beside him. There was also no girl who held his hand from the moment he slept until the moment he awoke._

_He stood up from his futton and saw a picture on the drawer. It was the girl he was wishing for. The girl he wanted to be with forever. Yet she was not with him. She was gone, and it was the truth. _

_He took the picture to his hand and smiled at it. It was his wife who died only a month ago. It was the woman who bore him their beautiful daughter Ushio even if she had to sacrifice herself. _

_As he was reminded again of her death, with the scene carefully replaying in his head, tears slipped on his cheek and he cried and cried. _

_How could he survive without her?_

_Everyday, this would be the same thing he did-- wake up wishing she was beside him. Yet to his dismay it would always lead him to cry infront of her picture, realizing that she will never be coming back._

That was Okazaki Tomoya's dream every night starting when Nagisa had gotten pregnant. He saw himself as defenseless and useless. Living meant nothing if Nagisa wasn't around.

And finally the day he dreaded had come. She was about to take labor in a snowy day where the road was blocked and she couldn't be brought to the hospital.

Luckily, Nagisa's parents and someone to help with the labor were there in the house in the first place. They had spent the night there because of the terrible snowstorm in the city. However, it seemed hard to deliver the baby in the house because of Nagisa's weak body. Preferably, she would have been bought to a hospital so it would be safer that way.

Tomoya decided to look around and knock on all the neighbors' doors to ask for help. Some were not around, others just didn't want to answer the door because of the snowstorm. Heartless fools were they for betraying someone who needed help.

Yet, Tomoya didn't give up. He crossed the icy storm despite it being hard and painful. He knew he had to find someone to help. Someone had to help Nagisa.

He moved on and kept searching. His body getting frail and weak by every passing second. The icy storm surrounded everything and even enclosed him into coldness he never could imagine. He eventually fell to his knees from the cold and lied on the floor. The cold blanket of the snow slowly engulfed him. He couldn't move anymore or do anything even if he wished to save his wife.

"Nagisa. Gomen," he said to himself, slowly being burried by the strong icy storm.

---

Back at home, seeing Tomoya was taking a lot of time finding somone to help Nagisa be bought to the hospital, it was decided that she should just take labor at home. There was no more moment to delay.

And so the operation occured without Tomoya.

Nagisa just tried to endure it thinking of him the whole time, though she would collapse at times.

When finally she has delivered the baby, she lost consciousness completely.

---

Nagisa was in a world of darkness where she could see nothing. Suddenly, light slowly appeared from above and reached her.

The scene slowly changed into a happy summer day.

_If ever I would leave you  
It wouldn't be in summer._

She as if saw the past and her husband who was still her boyfriend in that moment. He was with her on the beach running around the shore.

_Seeing you in summer I never would go.  
Your hair streaked with sunlight,  
_

Tomoya stared at her in total love. He was smiling happily as he adored her shadowed by the setting sun.

_Your lips red as flame,  
Your face witha lustre  
that puts gold to shame!_

He slowly and gently pulled her to a loving kiss as they were enlightened by the setting sun. It was their first kiss ever.

_But if I'd ever leave you,  
It couldn't be in autumn.  
_

Abruptly the scene then changed into autumn. The beach disappeared and she found herself on the day she was under the cherry blossoms, wishing for Anpan and finally meeting Tomoya for the first time.

_How I'd leave in autumn I never will know.  
I've seen how you sparkle_

The memory when they first met was happening right infront of her. Autumn was about to start and the cherry blossoms were falling down. He saw her and was instantly intrigued._  
__  
When fall nips the air.  
I know you in autumn  
And I must be there._

He then said a few words and called her for them to walk together. That was the first time they met and everything in her life changed to the better because of it.  
_  
And could I leave you  
running merrily through the snow?  
_  
Winter came to the scene where she had fun with all her friends and Tomoya. He was the one who gave her friends, who made her a better person. Without him, she would have still remained lonely.

_Or on a wintry evening  
when you catch the fire's glow?  
_

Fireflies appeared before them all after a while. They adored looking at it and felt even happier in that moment.  
_  
If ever I would leave you,  
How could it be in spring-time?  
_  
From winter, it changed to spring. Nagisa was brought to their first date. Tomoya treated her everywhere. Where they ate, at the arcade and at the mall. He even bought her a Dango doll.

_Knowing how in spring I'm bewitched by you so?  
Oh, no! not in spring-time!_

Tomoya smiled at her happily, as if he had no worry in the world. Nagisa smiled back feeling the same thing.  
_  
Summer, winter or fall!_

The scene changed to when he asked her to date him and how she willingly accepted with her tears of happiness.

_No, never could I leave you at all!_

And when they got married with her family and all their friends. It all happened all over again just like a dream. A happy dream with all her beautiful memories with Tomoya. Her friend. Her bestfriend. Her love. Her boyfriend. Her husband.

As soon as that was all over, she was back to the darkness where she started her dream. A light from above again started to come near her. Yet she noticed Tomoya was there smiling by her side shadowed by the darkness.

"Tomoya-kun? What's wrong?" she curiously asked as the light was not illuminating him but only her.

He smiled at her, although a bit teary-eyed."Nagisa, remember... I'll never... leave you, okay? Now go. Go to the light."

She smiled back then held his hand. "Come with me Tomoya-kun. Always be with me."

He cried in happiness and hugged her tight. She accepted his hug wholeheartedly and savored the moment. Tomoya will always be her loved one, and she will always be Tomoya's loved one. She knew that whenever she was with him. She felt the same way even at that moment.

Suddenly the light then slowly engulfed both of them, as if bringing them from dreamland to reality.

---

Nagisa finally woke up from her sleep. She opened her eyes only to see her parents eagerly watching her sleep.

"Otou-san, okaa-san, was it successful?" she asked in a weak tone.

Sanae began to cry and got the baby from the small bed to bring to her mother. "Here she is, Ushio, you're baby."

Nagisa took the baby and began to cradle her on her arms. "Dango, Dango, Dango, Dango-" She began to sing but then saw someone was missing.

"Otou-san, okaa-san!! Where's Tomoya-kun?" she anxiously asked. Where could he be in such an important time?

Akio hesitated but he managed to turn on the TV and show Nagisa the news. There was a male body found dead in the snow at the storm. Even though the storm had finally stopped just a few minutes ago, right about when Nagisa woke up, someone still died from it. The deceased was described as a blue haired young man.

Nagisa couldn't breathe well. It couldn't be. It couldn't be Tomoya, her husband. Tears flooded her eyes and she couldn't bear but scream. "Tomoya... Tomoya... TOMOYA!!!"

Suddenly, a knock on the door was heard. Akio opened the door seeing that Nagisa was depressively crying from the unexpected news and Sanae was comforting her.

As he opened the door he was shocked to see who was the person at the door. His cigarette fell on the floor from surprise. "You..."

The person went in the apartment and headed straight to the bedroom. He saw the crying Nagisa and quickly embraced her. "Nagisa. I came back. I came back for you. I told you I'll never leave you."

Nagisa wiped her tears and blinked a couple of times to see if what's in front of her was true. It was. Tomoya was right in front of her, alive. She hugged him tightly and cried some more.

"Tomoya-kun, how could this be... so you're not the one from the news? Thank God."

He shook his head. "It was me. But... you wanted me to stay with you. I was saying goodbye in your dream, trying to remind you of the good times, so that you'll be happy when I do leave this world. But in the end you asked me to be with you. You didn't let go, and you revived me in the end."

The news then started to report that the found dead body had disappeared all of a sudden. It was gone right on the spot, slowly disappearing without a trace.

"Tomoya-kun, you'll never leave me again, right? We have a baby to take care of," Nagisa said as she happily gave Ushio to his arms.

"I never intended of leaving you in the first place," he answered and smiled happily at the little baby Ushio. "I love you, Nagisa. I love Ushio. And I want the both of you to always be with me."

---

_**A/N: And there you go folks! My first Clannad fic! Hope you had fun reading it as I did writing it. Though, it was a bit sad in the middle :P Oh well, it's still a happy ending. Anyway, please REVIEW OKAY? Tell me what you think of it :D BTW, the song's If Ever I Would Leave You from the musical Camelot. Just saying. :)**_


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